Compliment (Retracted)

We are headed to a birthday party for our neighborhood friend Nicholas, who is one of Max's best friends and shares his passion for three important things: Star Wars, SpongeBob and Indiana Jones. And, it must be added, all things Lego. We got him an Indiana Jones Lego set and made him a duct tape whip (we recently made these for ourselves and wanted to share the joy, and possibly the injuries he will incur while receiving that joy). Anyway, I thought to wrap the box with the whip as the ribbon, and when I showed it to Max, he said, "Wow! You are so cool!" I think this is the first time he has ever given me such a compliment, and I was really touched by it. I said, "Oh, thanks Max." And then, he looked at me, as if to say, "For what?" And so I said, "For saying I am cool. That just made me feel good." And he said, "Oh, that's not what I meant to say." I asked what he had meant to say, and again he gave me that quizzical look and went back to playing his SuperMario Sunshine.

Movie Weekend

On Friday afternoon, we saw "Kung Fu Panda" (which we really liked) with Kelly, Isabel, Amelia and Truman. We had such a great time, and we were so happy to finally get together with them after months, I think, of planning another "playdate." They ended up coming back over here for dinner and more play, and all the kids had a great time, even the two girls, who entertained themselves by doing art and showing us their Webkinz mansions.

But to backtrack a bit, we were at the movie theatre on Friday until evening, and it was opening night for "Wall-E." After seeing all the crowds pour in (and get these little rubber watches for being there opening weekend), the boys really wanted to return on Saturday for more movie magic. Since it was a hot humid (and ultimately rainy) day, we were more than happy to oblige. We saw an afternoon showing of "Wall-E" and coincidentally ran into Nicholas (on of our neighborhood friends) and his dad taking in the same show, so we had the added bonus of seeing it with friends and playing in the arcade again afterward.


We had planned to go to dinner at one sixty blue, because it is "Kids' Restaurant Week" at many of Chicago's finer restaurants, but as we were combing the aisles of Target to find a gift for Nicholas' birthday party, Otto fell asleep on said gift, and we realized no one was in the mood for a nice dinner out.


Instead, we returned home and relived some of the memorable moments of the movie (and there were so many, it was really amazing) in claymation style.



In short, I will just say that the movie was incredible and we loved it. The boys were completely spellbound, and even Max, who is in a phase where he talks almost nonstop (he is currently saying, "it hurts right here, did you hear me? Let's stop talking, do you hear me?" in a constant murmur...it's quiet, but always present), even Max was quiet and only spoke to ask questions about what various things meant, like "what is a rogue robot?" I am sure we will see it again in the theatre, and we will definitely buy the DVD and watch this one again and again. And...this may be a bit spoiler if you haven't heard anything at all about the movie, so skip the rest of this paragraph if that is true...the future it presents for us is pretty bleak, and I am sad to say, it might not be too much of a stretch to think we will all become as round and virtually helpless as babies in carseats as we zip around in our personal transport systems, drinking our meals from a cup and having our every whim answered by a computer or a robot.

I have noticed that the aid I have gotten from various technological advances has taken its toll on my body. For instance, my Kitchen Aid Mixer, though I love it dearly, has taken away the workout I used to get when mixing cookies or pie crust (it's harder to justify eating a whole batch of cookies when I didn't even get a workout in making them). And my electric tooth brush has taken away my daily workout for my upper arms, so much so that I notice the strain on my muscles when I take a manual toothbrush on vacation (I swear I become so tired that I shorten the duration of the brushing). What am I doing to myself? What are we all doing to ourselves?

"Wall-E" is truly thought-provoking, and it goes without saying that is is lush visually, as all Pixar films are. I said I would only say it was incredible and we loved it, and yet I've said much more. I will stop before I am possessed to tell you about how much Max is drawn to Eve, the sleek modern blue-eyed robot who steals Wall-E's, er, heart? It certainly feels that way, that these two robots have hearts as big as any human, and even though the first half hour is virtually dialogue free, the communicative eyes and the bleeps and chirps of these two robots are more profound than any dialogue you'll hear elsewhere. Simply breathtaking. And now, I'll really stop and tell you about something else.

We've been having some really late nights, and frankly, I am exhausted by them. I was falling asleep, and the kids were still going strong, playing Legos and Wall-E right in the bed, determined to keep me awake for the fun despite the fact that I seriously could not keep my eyes open. They really do get in some sort of groove between 10 and midnight, where they are having these creative bursts and are generally really happy. This is usually preceded by about two hours of pushing and poking and fighting and shouting and crying (all by the boys, I should clarify, although sometimes I feel like shouting and crying too), and I always think during those hours that we all need sleep, we should get to bed, that this lack of sleep is the cause of Max's repetitive behaviors, that his brain simply cannot function if we continue to sleep so little, and just about when I am convinced we will do just that, that we are truly going to go to bed before midnight, just when I am getting into PJs and picking up that electric toothbrush for absolutely no workout whatsoever, they get a second wind. If only we could shift that all back just a couple of hours, my sanity would be greatly restored.

I should also clarify that I would not mind if they wanted to stay up late while Martin and I went to bed, but because they still need me to be with them, to play the games, to help get them ready for bed, to make sure the light levels feel right, etc, it is simply not an option to be "sleeping on the job," however tempting it sometimes is. We have, on occasion when the boys are really getting into their play and seem to forget about us entirely, started a movie on the laptop. We just bring it into the bed and start watching something we want to see that they are not interested in watching. Almost inevitably, they join us in the bed and say they'd rather watch something animated. I guess it gets them into bed, but it means we still haven't gotten through "The Darjeeling Limited" or "Proof."

Anyway, I now return you to our regular joy filled blog and ask that you forgive the previous slightly whiny paragraphs. I am still running on almost empty and need to fill up my own sleep tank soon, but I am not so tired and whiny to forget what a wonderful life we are living and how lucky we are to be living it.

Overheard

We are having trouble with our iMac, which is randomly restarting itself. This morning Martin said to me, "yeah, when the iMac goes into sleep, it reboots." And suddenly Otto ran to find Max and told him excitedly, "Max! When the iMac goes to sleep, it wears boots!"

Portland 2008

Craig & Co made a video of their Portland vacation and the Life is Good conference that I have gotten permission to post here, since basically Craig did me the favor of making a video of our joint vacation and kindly included lots of our family. Aside from the ferry ride over, we were with them almost every hour of every day. And I couldn't have done it better myself. Thanks, Craig!

Otto's Fourth

So I did have quite a few pictures, and some video too. And since it was so much, I made it into a little movie. All photos and video from his big birthday, doing all the things he wanted to do. Here's an idea of what you will be seeing.

1. Ice cream at Otto's favorite shop, where there is a giant wheel of fortune and loads of other entertaining carnival like props (this was an after breakfast snack—I did make pancakes at home in the morning but didn't take any footage of it. In truth, I think they thought of the ice cream as breakfast anyway).

2. Thai Elephant. Our post-breakfast snack was more or less immediately followed by lunch at Otto's favorite Thai restaurant, conveniently located right across the street from the ice cream shop. At this particular lunch, Max tried a jalapeno pepper. It was definitely too hot. And Otto was vicariously alarmed as well.

3. Cut Rate Toys, where there is a noise making, light producing gumball machine (and lots of toys too). Otto helped Max pick out a couple of extra birthday presents here.

4. Dinkel's Bakery, where the special order Go, Diego, Go cake was waiting for us. And where we also found a couple of extra treats (such as a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing for Max, who was not very excited about Otto's vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream icing and white chocolate mousse filling).

5. Home, for cake, presents, and play time with all those wonderful new toys.

Grandma and Grandpa sent him a big box full of books and two new Webkinz (one for Otto and one for Max), and it must be noted that I somehow managed to miss all the footage of Otto pulling out the Webkinz (and throwing them completely aside because he saw Click Clack Moo in the pile) and then later realizing there were new Webkinz in the box, at which point, he abandoned all the rest of the new toys, and both boys went to adopt, name, and play with their new dogs (Brownie and Cutie) for the rest of the night. There are somehow no photos of this (I was busy helping them navigate the Webkinz site), but I'll have to take a few of them and their "dogs" to post at a later date.

Otto had also wanted to go to the zoo, but after we went all the way north for ice cream and Thai food and the toy store, it was already getting late. I think it was a good day, even without the zoo. Full of simple funny things that make Otto happy. I still can't believe he's already four.

W O W. It bears repeating.

Happy Birthday, Otto!

Yesterday was Otto's birthday. Unlike last year, when I was ready with a video and a nice post about my lovely boy on his special day, I had nothing prepared for this year. I took a peek at what I wrote last year, and I have to say that so much of that is still Otto. The wispy blond hair (which he now says is spun gold and never wants to cut), how he wears pajamas for days on end, and is still somehow often to be found with just one sock on. That he loves ice cream and still eats mainly meat and candy, but is branching out somewhat. Crackers and sticky rice and noodles. And he is very excited to find out that fruit is in a juice he likes and will declare, "You see, I DO like some fruits!" Oh, and he loves Honey Nut Cheerios. And the charms from Lucky Charms ("why can't they just sell the charms?"). But I guess that probably qualifies as candy.

Something that has definitely changed for Otto in the last year is that we are watching commercial TV, namely Nickelodeon, Discovery and the Disney channel. Otto is always paying attention to the commercials, and he will often tell me how some product will really improve our lives. It's so sweet, because he usually comes up with something that really does make sense for us. Yesterday, I couldn't find my keys in my bag, and he told me about this purse that he saw that has a spot for your keys and even includes a "tiny little umbrella that folds up into your bag!" He also told us that this air freshener he saw might make our car smell better. And that we could grow a garden with these roll out mats that spring up all sorts of beautiful flowers. And for inside the house, there are these great globe water holders that will make sure our house plants are always perfectly moist. He loves those because the offer includes a red and a blue one, so both Max and Otto would like the colors.

He is quite a video gamer for his young age, but he is also still so content to watch Max play. He is Max's biggest fan, and I am constantly reminded how lucky I am to have two children who get along so well. Otto will sit and watch Max play Super Mario for so long, only commenting with excitement at Max's achievements. Of course, they are happy to have games they can play together (like Lego Star Wars), but when it is only a one player game, Otto will say something like "that's okay, I like to watch—it's like a movie!'

He amazes me with how aware he continues to be of every interaction. He seems older than his years in so many ways, and the way he can view a situation and come up with a solution always takes my breath away.

Of course, a lot of being older than his years comes from keeping up with Max. Max and Otto do a lot of wrestling and poking, but they so obviously love each other. Recently we were at an appointment and they were rolling around on top of each other, sort of pestering each other, but also both laughing and unable to get even one inch away from each other. They were being sort of loud and I was wondering if the receptionist was annoyed, but instead, she said with a smile, "I see they don't like each other all that much." She could so easily see that they were having fun and adore each other. I was so appreciative that she shared this thought, so I could see she enjoyed them, rather than the opposite.

Otto really wants a dog, and he has big plans for when we get a bigger house with a yard (so that we'll have room for the dog). He'll often mention the things he would also like "when we get a bigger house." At this point, we have no plans to move anywhere at all, but it's fun to be a part of his fantasy. In the meantime, both Otto and Max are pushing to get other pets, namely rats or a rabbit. We did get a grow a frog tadpole which they have been enjoying, but clearly, it's not quite meeting the need for a pet you can play with. Until then, we are collecting Webkinz, with the help of Grandma and Grandpa. They are taking such good care of their Webkinz pets, it's good practice for the real thing.

Otto is so often smiling and happy, and he is usually eager to move out of his anger (when it does strike) to a happy place again. He is starting to use language that helps him get out of a vapor lock situation, and he will suggest similar things to Max when Max is in a vapor lock of his own.

He loves to be read to, preferably in the morning, when we are all awake but not ready to get up. He loves "Click Clack Moo," which he only just got for himself for his birthday from Grandma, but which he has loved since a visit to them in March. He also loves any books by Dr. Seuss.

He often picks flowers for me and when he sees something that he thinks is pretty, he will ask, "Would you like me to buy that for you?" He likes to cuddle and give kisses and hugs, and today when I suggested that his feet were so dirty he might need a bath before I could kiss them, he said, "or you could just wash my feet." That's so perfectly Otto, always cutting right to the crux of the matter.

We had a nice quiet celebration with him yesterday, and I have loads of pictures that I will try to sort through and post in the next day or two. But I didn't want to get too far away from his actual day before I acknowledged my lovely little boy who is now...wow...four. Happy Birthday, my sweet little boy.

Father's Day

Martin is not a very typical guy in so many ways. Over the last twelve years, I can probably count on one, or maybe on two hands the the times I have seen him order a steak. And definitely on one hand the times I have seen him even vaguely interested in a sporting event.

That's why we celebrated Father's Day this year by taking him out for a gigantic piece of grilled meat and a peek at the closing minutes of the Euro Cup game between Turkey and the Czech Republic. It was actually a really exciting finale, with Turkey coming from behind in the last minutes of the game with two goals and a final score of 3-2. (I think that's the first time I've ever typed up any sort of score to anything!)


But I am skipping a lot.

We began the morning with breakfast at Lula, our favorite place to eat anything, really, but definitely our favorite breakfast spot in all of Chicago (or anywhere, to be precise). We take photos of ourselves there almost weekly, so I am not sure how we managed not to take a photograph on this day, when I actually am writing it up, but as would be expected, everything was delicious.

After breakfast, we wandered over to the Farmer's Market and ate some more, because it is always just when we pack up and leave a restaurant that the kids realize that in fact, they really are hungry. The crepe stand was calling out to Otto, and as soon as we sat down with a chocolate pie for Max and Otto's fresh crepe, it also called out to Max, and Martin obliged by standing in the very long line for yet another freshly made crepe.


We had such a nice time in the grass, and then our neighbors arrived with their little six month old girl, Victoria. We had been talking about an extended get-together, and the opportunity presented itself. We sat in the grass and talked and played and Max climbed trees. A guy played a guitar and harmonica. Another guy took our picture for a local paper.





We finally pulled ourselves away from this fun and relaxing place to go to another relaxing spot: the North Park Nature Center, where we walked the trails and looked for salamanders (we didn't find any) and frogs (we found several).


There were some people there with their pet tortoises, and Otto held one of them. There were also some people set up with a stand about Gypsy Moths who are damaging local trees. We took a moth trap to set up in our yard and to track the number of moths we get.

We played on the a recycled plastic bag hammock.


We were there again until closing (they close at 4, which is why we often don't even make it there at all).

And then, just as we did last weekend, we stopped for a quick shopping trip at Whole Foods, which is not too far from the Nature Center. Otto wanted a burger, Max wanted shrimp, and Martin surprised me by saying he might want a steak (he saw some on sale, and that always appeals to him). But it was Fathe'rs Day, and I saw some dry aged steaks behind the counter (another customer was raving about them, telling me they were the best she'd ever had) which were definitely not on sale, and suddenly, we found ourselves with a gigantic piece of really fine meat, asking the friendly man behind the counter to grill it up for us. The game was on in the background, and the rest, well, I guess I already mentioned it.




It was a really nice end to a lovely weekend (we spent Saturday in our neighborhood, first hitting several yard sales looking for jewels, then lunch at Cafe Bolero, and then cruising the parks with our neighbor friend Nicholas and his mom Magda. Nicholas and Max and Otto really have so much fun together, and as soon as we got home, Max began talking about when we'd see them again).

Words from the Wise

Today for lunch, Otto surveyed the macaroni and cheese selections (the boxes of mac and cheese, that is) and declared he wanted the Volkswagen pasta. I looked at the boxes and realized he had chosen the Peace Pasta, with peace symbols on the box. Max and Otto got into an argument over what they were. Here's how we decided it: Volkswagens, Peace...they're both good.

Last night in the car, Max and Otto were talking about how Max had fallen and sprained his ankle, and how it hurt, and then Otto suddenly said, "Max, sometimes when I hurt myself, I feel like an old man."

Life is Good, the Epilogue

Okay, so I've managed to write six blog entries about our stay in Vancouver for the Life is Good conference, and yet I don't think I've said that much about the conference itself. Perhaps that is because we had a somewhat low-key year in terms of the actual conference, with the boys preferring to hang with Fergus and Effie (or just escape the hotel altogether and head for the park) rather than frequent the various funshops. Perhaps it is because I was not feeling particularly adventurous myself and didn't really put myself out there to meet new people. I am definitely guilty of finding a family or two that brings me joy and then just hanging with them, instead of branching out. This satisfies my own need for deeper personal connection and fills me up so much that I forget (or avoid) more adventurous actions.

We certainly loved being in the hotel (and its fabulous location by the river) with all those other beautiful families, watching the parent/child interactions, the parent/parent interactions, the shiny bubble that surrounds all of us when we are there. But I didn't feel the same sort of high that I felt at the first two unschooling conferences we attended, and I've been thinking about that a lot.

I've decided that some sort of "Third Conference Malaise" struck me, and here's how I think it happened. The first conference we attended (Live and Learn in Albuquerque 2006) was just mind-blowing and was the first time I had seen so many families living with each other in a way I find inspiring and, well, exactly like I want to live. To witness so many shiny sparkly families in one place was just overwhelming and wonderful, and even if the first year I was also a bit shy and taking it all in, I still felt my mind and heart expanding, and we left the conference on a high that lasted for months.

The second conference we attended, 2007 Live and Learn in NC, was different, in that we knew more what to expect (although it was in a completely different venue, and in that sense we had no idea what to expect), and we could focus more of our energy on really making connections with other families. It didn't hurt that all our meals were in common areas, and we could spend all that extra time socializing with new people. The combination of the outdoor splendor, the fantastic weather, the amazing talks and funshops that were assembled, and the deeper connections we made to a few families just gelled for us, and everything felt so good, even when we just decided to skip away from it all, and head into town for ice cream (and actually some of our best moments happened there, running into Anne O and her lovely boys at the ice cream shop and opening up a dialogue between us that has made a giant impact on me, or enjoying one of the most delicious meals we've ever had in lieu of what was reportedly the worst offering from the cafeteria of the whole stay).

Anyway, that's a long way of saying that in the second conference, we really found our groove and came away even more elated than the first time.

So it was probably with a lot of expectations that we made our way across the country to the Vancouver conference. We saw many familiar faces and many new ones, there was an overall relaxed feel to the conference which I really liked, and we dubbed it a west coast feeling, so laid back, so welcoming. Nothing started before 9 (and sometimes as late as 10 because truly, we all needed to sleep in), and every night Jon Gold circled the lobby with a pitcher of some fabulous concoction, so from morning to night there was an overall less hectic feeling to it. I really liked that pace, even if it did make it seem like in terms of the conference itself, we weren't necessarily "seizing the day."

The boys didn't want to attend very many of the funshops, although we had some spontaneous funshops emerge from just starting an activity and finding some other kids wanted to join in. So in that sense, fun was to be had everywhere, and certainly didn't need a "shop." But it did mean that they boys were really happy to hang in the room on our balcony (where we could wave to the other families and had a great view of activity in the pool) or just running around the hall and the stairway collecting rocks for their space exploration. (Max and Fergus had a long and serious conversation about space travel, which included this line from Max: "You're not only in space for one day but for like my birthday to the next birthday, like a whole week," as well as many other insightful observations from the boys which I recorded in a transcript.)

I did feel a longing to actually talk with some of those families more in depth than we were actually able to do. For instance, after learning that Schuyler and family were watching the antics on our balcony from their balcony across the courtyard, I would wave to them and think it would be nice to be hanging with them on a larger adjoined balcony, hee hee). But those small conversations we were able to have in passing through the lobby were fuel for more conversations to come, I am quite sure.

The hotel food was expensive and disappointing, so that was a big thing for us, and we found ourselves venturing out into town for food (and finding some really good stuff!). Because that was so time consuming, we often missed big chunks of things, which left me feeling a bit disjointed at times (although I wouldn't have changed it, as it was definitely what we needed for all four of us to feel happy). It did cause us to miss a good deal on the first official day of the conference, which is perhaps the reason I was slower to get immersed in the conference this time around.

And although we didn't rave about the hotel food, we did think the staff was pretty supportive, so that was a good thing.

On Friday, which happened to be my birthday, Amy Steinberg performed what was reportedly a fantastic concert in our actual hotel, and I didn't attend. What was I thinking there? Well, in retrospect, I would probably do the same thing. Max was really wanting me to help him as he was getting his greeting cards ready for the UNtrepreneurial Fair, and Otto was tired, needed to nurse, etc and neither wanted to be in a room full of noise (even if it was rocking good music). And so we decided to lay low that evening. But later, when Otto was asleep, I realized I should have at least gone down for a song or two, just to check her out in person. I didn't really think it through until it was too late, and the next day, when everyone was raving about the show, I felt like a bone-head for not seeing any of it. But then again, we had a really lovely night in the room together, making art, and talking and just being together, and those are the moments I really like the best, the quiet ones with my lovely little family.

I have to confess that overall I didn't find the talks to be as much about Radical Unschooling as I expected, (I had actually expected it to be even more RU than Live and Learn, simply because there is such a big RU community in the Northwest, so perhaps that was part of it...expectations, right? Oops.). Admittedly, I did not go to the talks I had seen at Live and Learn (so I missed Jon Gold's funny and wonderful "Make Room for Daddy," and Diana Jenner's "Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life," which I actually did really want to hear again, as I only heard parts of it in September).

And Beth Fuller absolutely floored me with a thoughtful, poetic, honest and simply beautiful talk that had me in tears. She is someone who always amazes me with her insight and by her example with her parenting of Emma and her partnership with Kevin, and from her talk I learned even more about how she unschooled Alzheimer's with her grandmother (I found this to be particularly fascinating, having also lost my own grandmother to Alzheimer's about 10 years ago), and I can't wait to hear it again on the audio recordings I will get for the whole conference.

I also really enjoyed Linda Hessel's talk on late readers. She had such a relaxed and comforting tone, and I really appreciated her talk. I don't have anxieties about the kids learning to read or do math (at least not yet!), but I still really liked hearing about her journey, and I think it will inform me if I ever do start to get nervous about the kids doing certain things by a certain time. I know that they will be able to do these things in their own time, in their own way.

And so, what am I complaining about? Nothing really, we had a really wonderful time and would absolutely go back for more. I guess what I am doing is just noticing what it was that made this conference feel so different for me.

In the end, we still felt that shiny bubble around us, and in the last two days, we filled up so much on the amazing energy of everyone around us, also knowing they would all be gone from us soon. The picnic was so much fun, just wonderful to see all these kids having a blast together. It was kind of cool and had been raining all morning, so there was a "the clouds have lifted" kind of feeling to the afternoon that was just really nice and peaceful.

And the next day, when only a couple of families were left at the hotel, we all somehow gravitated to the pool in the late evening, and as it was getting colder and darker, one of the dads took it upon himself to turn on the heat to provide us all with comfort (the hotel staff did not respond to our request for such action) so we could visit with each other a little longer. I just thought about how lucky we were to have this place to be and to connect with these wonderful families. It suddenly seemed too short. I wanted another day or two with these new friends we had made in the last days (one of which was the aforementioned Winkler family, with whom we were immediately smitten, and the other of which was the Holcomb family, who were also delightful).

It was a quiet last night, but it was a perfect summation of the conference for us, this time something more quiet, not a big show, but still very nice. It felt more like a vacation in a really cool place with lots of people who happened to be on a similar journey. And perhaps that's the way it should feel, after all. It's not really about the "conference" and the "talks," but more about being in a space with other people who inspire us, and that was certainly what it was.

So maybe malaise is too strong a word to describe our third conference experience. I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and here's their definition:

Malaise is a feeling of general discomfort or uneasiness, an "out of sorts" feeling, often the first indication of an infection or other disease. Often defined in medicinal research as a "general feeling of being unwell". This usage may have originated in folk medicine, but it is adopted from the French word meaning "discomfort," "feeling faint," "feeling sick."

So no, I wouldn't want to go so far as to say there was a malaise about our whole experience because that's just not true. (But it is such a great word, isn't it? I just love to say it, hee hee.) I did however get a truly nasty cold that first revealed itself on the flight home (one of the worst ear popping experiences to date), and is still hanging on in a cough and with way too much green fluid coming out of me. Otto has had it also, and last night Max said his throat was hurting, so I don't think this illness has left the house yet. So maybe we were a bit out of sorts because we were all on the verge of this nasty cold (and thus those out of sorts feelings were the first indication of an infection), or maybe we're actually sick because we left the relaxed pace of the northwest and all the wonderful people, and now we're feeling a let down.

I guess I'm not really going to figure out the answer to that, but either way, life really is good. Even with a nasty cough.